Insomnia

Endless Nights…

And on these dark nights, when everything is black and you can’t fall asleep, time literally lasts forever!!!

With little distraction the sleepless nights are the worst part of the day for me – It’s when the thoughts run wild and time doesn’t move, your body is aching for rest but your mind is in the fast lane, while everything is quiet yet loud at the same time!

I hear the odd sound of a car passing by in the distance or the slam of a car door but other than that just silence… Then you’ve got the battle of having all the noise inside your head while you lay there, trying for the life of you to sleep and trying so much to resist as you count sheep or exercise your breath, only succumbing to the thoughts every single time – constantly thinking of this, that and the friggin’ other.

Nearly everything I do is a distraction for me and stops me dealing with my chronic pain. I watch t.v (takes my mind off it) surf the web (do people even say that anymore) play FIFA, read books, make endless amounts of coffee and get lost in a good film. Even with all this distraction the fight against my health is still a massive struggle, so when it’s the middle of the night and all this distraction has gone, and all that’s left are the thoughts mulling round and round in my head, it all becomes very intense and the fear of the unknown increases ten fold. Then I wake up and the anxiety hits straight away turning my stomach. I have to get up…

This journey is crazy and I have more soul-searching to do than I could have ever possibly imagined. But, I’ll get there…

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