My Story…

A few months of making no headway after aggravating my groin doing a seated leg-press at the gym, I decided to see a hip specialist who assured me that time was a healer. I was training for the Royal Navy at this point and while the pain was there, it didn’t prevent me from doing regular 10km runs to keep my fitness levels up to the required standard – my hip specialist also assured me this would cause no further damage. After one of my runs I began to notice a sharp stabbing pain in my right hip joint that wouldn’t pass. Over the next few weeks the pain got increasingly worse and I had to stop all fitness, putting my career on hold.

An MRI/Arthogram later showed a bone impingement and labral tear in my joint resulting in the need for a Hip Arthroscopy (key-hole surgery) with an approximate 4-6 week recovery period. With this procedure they shaved down some of the extra bone growth around my hip joint which had caused the cartilage in my joint to tear and they also repaired the torn cartilage. – I had this operation in the summer of 2009 and have been worse ever since. Prior to this I was able to work full time and lead a relatively normal life with bearable pain…

After the operation I was referred to a physiotherapist to help with my recovery. As the weeks past I wasn’t making any progress and eventually, after 8 months with my physio, he said there wasn’t anything else he could do for me. Over time, I tried many different treatments from acupuncture, hypnotherapy, more physiotherapists, hydrotherapy and an osteopath, all to no avail, then, in the summer of 2011 I started doing studio Pilates. After 3 sessions I began to notice an improvement, my limp had almost disappeared and I could see my body starting to re-align, I don’t think I’d ever been happier. I got a new job as a support worker (the navy was completely out of the question at this point – they wouldn’t accept me now given my medical history) but it was too much . As the day went on I muddled through the pain but it spread all around my lower back and down both of my legs. I could tell it was serious – the sheer area of my symptoms when initially it was just my hip left me worried sick and increasingly concerned. I persisted with the studio Pilates but I couldn’t continue. The pain worsened and while before I could easily plough through an hours session – 10 minutes worth left me bed-ridden and in total agony…

I became depressed, I was suicidal and it came to a point around February 2012 I just couldn’t go on. The isolation, lack of understanding, the stigma towards chronic pain & depression to name but a few all became too much. I slit my wrists and took as many pills I could. I didn’t want to die l but I didn’t want to live the pain either. I was low and completely broken. I was referred to see a psychologist at the chronic pain team, but it didn’t help. My pain was getting worse – I would find that I could adapt to a way of living, being able to manage my pain to a certain extent then boom, an increase in symptoms and an increase in muscle waste – I could see my body deteriorating before my eyes. I was an emotional and physical mess. I did however, promise myself I would never let the depression get a hold of me like that again…

For the last 3 years I have been completely house-bound, I’m 30 years old who was once so very active, yet now I struggle with the most simple of tasks. I was diagnosed with Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS) and had another unsuccessful Hip Arthroscopy in August 2014. The deterioration continues to get worse and I fear for the future. I have my ‘good’ days but they are rare and are quickly followed by the bad. I have a great support system around me with my immediate family (I’m not sure I would be here if it wasn’t for them) but I find the lack of being able to relate to others in a similar situation to me really hard to deal with and the isolation is soul-destroying.

Unfortunately, for illnesses such as CRPS there isn’t much public funding going into research to help find a cure – or at least to find ways to live without being in such constant, debilitating pain. In the UK, even the pain clinics aren’t worth their name – not from my experience anyway; they are far too basic compared to developments elsewhere in the world in managing pain – they think just to sit you in front of a psychologist for umpteen sessions in a row will suffice! More needs to be done physically and I’m hoping to have better joy second time round, without the patronisation of someone with an MD in front of their name, subtly trying to claim ‘it’s in your head…’

Currently I’m waiting to see if I can get a specialised wheelchair to allow me to go outside – I’m unable to sit at a 90 degree angle and have to slouch back when I sit so a regular chair isn’t any good for me – I’m extremely limited with my mobility and if there is a chair to allow me into the outdoors I can’t sit or stand for very long as the pain won’t allow it so I can’t venture far – it’s so fucking controlling and seems to win every battle, and, seemingly the war. I’m dreading how my body will be in the years to come…

My current symptoms are burning in both of my glutes going down both of my legs, along with sharp stabbing pains – the circulation has got so bad that one leg is darker than the other and my legs are permanently freezing. I get back ache and tingling down the right side of my face – pins and needles are a regular occurrence and I’m unable to pick anything up below waste height…

I find an escape through my writing  on this rocky road – where I’m forever getting worse physically no matter what techniques I try to help myself. I can’t remember the last time I left my flat for pleasure and I have become the king at pushing people away – I fear they’ll leave anyway so I do it for them – I can now count my friends on one hand. And as for my crutches – they are my enemy yet they strive so much to help..

Anyway, this blog, this is my sanctuary, a place to find peace and solitude between the ever familiar four walls. It’s a place to ponder the reasons for our existence, and, through no choice of my own – avoid all conflict beyond the stagnant concrete… It’s here I put my pen to paper and scribble down sentences that have no meaning to anybody other than myself… And this place I mention – this will be my fixed abode for quite some time – this and a pile of clothes in the corner of the bedroom floor… But, despite everything unwanted, I am still a spiritual seeker, I am still a breather & I’ll always be 99.9% empty space. I’m house-bound with chronic pain finding ways to fill my time & writing is one of them…

And it’s here I continue to conserve my energy with great frustration, as I experiment with error being the general outcome, I pray to a god I’m not sure whether to believe in… For my destiny is made by me, only me… I will write and create, express myself and be free to show all of the world my fate and on that shelf will be a bind with my name on it…

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74 comments

  1. I wish I had read this page before leaving the comment on your other post. But the same message applies. You will find another home here where others understand your experience and can offer support that, while it may not remove the pain, may help slightly in knowing that you’re not alone.
    I’m so sorry for what you have experienced, the changes in your life plans and your pain that affects everything in your life.
    You are so young to have been struck down in this way. I know nothing I can say will make that better but I do wish you well here in finding a place for your writing and in sharing in the community. Anne-Marie

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you Anne-Marie – I really appreciate that. I haven’t written for so long I’d forgotten how helpful it can be – I’ve let the depression take over my life for too long now and while I can’t seem to do anything to help my physical state, I need to do whatever I can to help with my emotional state and writing is a great escape for me… It definitely beats watching the box anyway, ha – thanks again Anne-Marie…

      Liked by 2 people

  2. So sorry to hear your story. I’ve a niece with similar condition after elbow and shoulder surgery – and a sister whose neck pain from an accident caused the loss of her position and now – so depressed – never answers the phone. I worry about her constantly. I’m glad you’ve found writing – I think in a way it can be therapeutic for you. And you seem to be rather good at it! Keep your faith……

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s okay – I’m sorry to hear about your niece and I can completely relate to your sisters depression – chronic pain seems to take everything from you and hopelessness becomes all too familiar – just keep on ringing and persisting with her. Thank you for your message and for what you say about my writing…

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  3. You have come to the right place. There is a huge community here and you will be welcomed quickly. I have a chronic pain condition called fibromlyagia that has quickly shattered my life as well. Thank you for sharing your story.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. My heart goes out to you. The stigma against chronic pain and depression has been the hardest thing for me to cope with. My life has been shattered multiple times by disease but writing does help a lot, it helps me stay productive and release all the pent up emotions. I hope that you get the specialized chair so that you can go outside! I’ll keep you in my prayers.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you & I’m sorry you suffer with chronic pain also . The stigma definitely makes living with chronic illnesses all the more harder to deal with – if only we lived in a more understanding society… Writing definitely helps – it’s great that we have an outlet where we can express our thoughts and emotions… Thanks again for your message and you are in my thoughts also…

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  5. I understand how you feel. I developed rheumatoid arthritis in 2008 and it changed my life. What has helped me has been letting go of what life used to be or what it should be or what I wanted it to be, and being grateful for each day. Sappy words I know but I am now at peace.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you… Sometimes I am at peace it’s just when the pain gets too much which is a regular occurrence these days and is so overpowering. Hopefully I’ll find a way of dealing with it better soon… Thanks again…

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  6. Saying I’m sorry sounds trite, and sometimes it’s a barrier to empathy. I hope that the writing you do and interact with gives you some small measure of comfort or distraction. Sentiments sound trite but I hope that you find some measure of peace or relief from it soon.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you and I get what you’re saying about the barrier – sympathy is the last thing I want yet empathy is very much welcomed and between the two there is a very fine line… Writing does help, and definitely takes my mind elsewhere… I just need to start being more positive about it all and stop letting it get me so down as it is what it is and I can’t seem to change it… Thanks again for your message…

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      1. Without sounding dramatic, writing gave me a purpose after a nervous breakdown.
        I found this and thought of you:
        The arts are not a way to make a living. They are a very human way of making life more bearable. Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven’s sake. Sing in the shower. Dance to the radio. Tell stories. Write a poem to a friend, even a lousy poem. Do it as well as you possibly can. You will get an enormous reward. You will have created something.” Kurt Vonnegut

        Liked by 1 person

      2. It doesn’t sound dramatic to me, I guess, in a way, we would not have been dealt the cards we have if we were not able to come out the other side a better and stronger person – maybe we’re meant to have these things happen to us in order to find who we really are and to discover ourselves through different forms of art – I know for certain I would have never begun writing were it not for my health and maybe that was supposed to be my vocation without me knowing – I guess I’ll find out if I ever get my book I’m working on published one day – aside from getting better that is now my ultimate dream – I want to help and inspire people in some way – always have and always will. Thanks a lot for the quote and your messages…

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Hi there , being a old git, major op, two strokes understand your journey totally, got me own T shirt, yes depression, fear , anxiety can be a crutch that takes over our life’s , but writing, shareing , gets the message out there, and I feel helps. Others that can not put the words and emotions on to paper, take care , be safe ,…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sorry to hear of your two strokes – you must be a pretty strong ‘old git’ indeed to have gotten through them, although I don’t know if you have fully? Writing and sharing definitely helps at times – it’s good to interact with others in similar places to me, showing I’m not alone in this – writing about it can only make me a better person. Thank you for your message…

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  8. Thank you for replying. and nope I’m just me.arm and left side affected.cronic post stroke pain.and all emotions that come with a life changing condition ..but one copes quitter not a option..you keep fighting on Ll take care great talking to u .take care

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Sorry to hear your arm and left side have been affected – i can definitely relate to all the emotions that come with a life-changing condition, but I like what you say, ‘quitter not an option’ I must take note as I’ve wanted to just give up so many times… Great talking to you too…

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  10. Well, I’ve finally gotten round to reading your story! Wow! That’s just crap! I’m so sorry that you’re in such a bad way but I think that our last little chat over the last day or two has given you some empowerment and I hope that you can see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. People always say that to me. Some days I agree and sometimes I want to tell them to piss off, so feel free either way! I hope that you’ve found my story by scrolling back to the beginning of my blog. I wasn’t sensible enough to put as one about page cos it just felt too long! Good luck with the future and remember; we have to fight for our own rights and needs: no one is going to do it for us and keep friends and family close; the ones that are meant to be there you won’t be able to get rid of anyway!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, I appreciate that although I’m not sure I see a light. I don’t think any amount of medication would make this bearable, especially given all that I’ve tried previously – I try and be positive and have hope but the reality is it looks like I’ll have to rely on other people for the rest of my life – this life sure is depressing and I’m not sure i can cope with all the years ahead of me like this – a life confined to your own home and in constant debilitating pain that’s forever getting worse is no life at all – watching the world pass you by, having a constant attraction to a noose only repelled by the fear of the pain you’ll leave behind, the constant worry of your immediate family passing all the time and ending up a lonely, miserable git with no one because you’ve either pushed those that matter away or people just don’t want to know – the snowball just gets bigger and bigger… I want to inspire people but how can I do that when I’m as fucked up as I am? It’s like that quote on one of your posts, ‘When you can tell your story and it doesn’t make you cry, you know you have healed’ I’m not sure I’ll ever heal, I don’t see the light, and every time I open up to someone about how I feel it brings me to tears cause I struggle to accept what’s become, so how can I write a book to inspire? You block it out by any means, T.V, music, Facebook, WordPress, anything to block it out but as soon as I talk about it, I sink, I guess I’m delusional as well… I like how humorous you can be in dealing with your pain though – now that’s admirable, and I envy that attitude but unfortunately my mind seems to be programmed a different way and I can’t help but let all this destroy who I am, or who I’m supposed to be… Anyway, on a lighter note, I’m definitely going to be firmer with the doctors from now on, and make sure they listen to what I feel I need instead of just agreeing with their dictation… Oh and thank you for your message…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Well, we are all tuned differently aren’t we? And I can tell you-I don’t always deal with it with humour. I’m pretty fucked off with it all at the moment tbh. BUT I am lucky! I met my husband at uni and we’ve already been through some pretty shitty times together and we kind if know now that because we got through that we can get through anything. I know that it is ONLY because of having him and my amazing boys that I get up and fight every day and they are all funny and makes me laugh too, even when I’m in so much pain I should be crying! However, it’s having friends that come to visit that keep my spirits up. I think I’m a social person. Not everyone is like me but I get low when I don’t have friends booked in to pop round. My friends have been amazing on the whole. I’ve lost some but I’ve also become much stronger friends with some who have shown me their loyalty and have become really really close. I’m just telling you the things that get me through being virtually housebound. Now I’m also lucky cos I can sit in a normal wheelchair for short periods of time and get out. So I’ve mentioned these things cos it seems to me that these are the things that sound like they are the light for you. I haven’t read Ll of your posts so I don’t know your whole story yet but my advice is a) however much you want to; don’t push people away-they are what will get you through and b) look into ways that can get you that chair. Can you get some fundraising going. You may be surprised! By sharing my story on here and always posting the links to fb and twitter my friends have gathered in force to help me with looking after my kids in the holidays and after school, which is my stumbling block. I feel so touched that me saying that you should be more pushy with docs has already had an impact on the way you think. I don’t expect you to suddenly change and deal with everything the way I do but maybe just start showing people that vulnerable side of you and you may be surprised……..or you can just say bollocks to all of this advice too. Haha. Take care and just focus on doing what’s right for you.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yes, we’re all certainly tuned differently, but I intend on changing my thought process eventually – I’m going to have to, to get through this… It’s good you’ve got that deep love with you’re husband and have your children that keep you going – I can’t imagine anything being better than having kids – something I’m definitely not doing while I’m like this – I can’t bring a child into this mess, maybe one day. I’m very lucky to have my girlfriend who’s stood by me through all of this… I like your positive attitude even though you are pretty fucked off with it all – I’m struggling to open up to people I’ve known over the years and even de-activated my Facebook through fear of their judgements and also have issues with showing my vulnerability – I’ve never found it easy to show that side of me… As for there being a light with hopefully getting a wheelchair that suits, I guess you’re right, I just need to come to terms with it all and try and get a slight hold of the pain – I’m currently waiting on wheelchair services coming round so hoping they can sort something out, if not I’ll have to sort some fundraising somehow, maybe I’ll have to pluck up the courage to get back onto Facebook and be open about it all but that’s not likely to be honest… Thanks for this and you take care too…

        Liked by 1 person

      3. All I can say is people who are meant to stay in your life will; however much vulnerability you show them. I’m glad your girlfriend has stood by you. Maybe it’s time to start letting some others back in slowly. It sounds like you’ve been really cut off from the world so you’ll need to take it a step at a time. First stEp is being bossy with the docs and that is great progress. You should take these things in small steps so as not to overwhelm yourself. If you try and do too much at once you are more likely to fail and then be back at step one or worse off and we don’t want that! Give yourself small steps. Maybe one thing each week to tackle new to try and get you back to being a more positive being. You can be positive and cope with the shit. I’m in pain 24/7 and I know we’re wired differently and man are obvs wired diff to women too but you can get yourself to a better place esp with yeh support of your girlfriend. Just remember each step, however small, is important, even if it’s that it takes you 5 days to recover from something rather than 6! There you go, first steps in starting to change the way you think. You’re still allowed to be fucked off but don’t let it eat you up! Start hounding that wheelchair team as your next step I think! Good luck and keep this communication open. I’m always happy to talk!

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I’ve definitely cut myself off from the rest of the world… I am worried about going out into the community as a a wheelchair user but that is something I’ll get used to and after the first few times it will become second nature to me… However, after speaking to my occupational therapist yesterday who has tried to quicken the process up it will be a few months yet – the waiting list is pretty chocca… But, small steps at a time and the first one is to stop thinking of a pain-free future so much and focus more on the reality of this – then I’ll be having pain management and who will hopefully help out in some way but I won’t hold out for that – ‘prepare for the worst and hope from the best’ is the way forward for me from now on… Thanks a lot for the chat and words of encouragement, you’ve been a great help to me and it’s very much appreciated…

        Liked by 1 person

      5. You’re welcome, sounds like you’ve come leaps and bounds in just a few days of our chats. You should be really proud of how far you’ve come and don’t be put off by long waiting list. Like you say; you have to learn to think of life as not being pain free but just how to manage best you can. Good luck.

        Liked by 1 person

  11. Hi,Thanks for visiting my blog. I read your story. Your journey is a difficult one so I am glad you have found a place for expressing how you feel. Someone mentioned something about WordPress being like a community. Yes, there are a lot of caring and supportive people and we’ll do our best to support you 😊. I look forward to reading your posts. Karen x

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  12. i’m so glad I found your blog! Writing has been therapy and an escape for me as well. Thanks for being so open and sharing your story.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Just read your story. Hang in there. Chronic pain is such a hard thing to live with, especially because most people don’t understand what you’re going through. You and I are a similar age, so I can relate. My career has been completely derailed because of my health issues and that’s one of the most frustrating things about all of this. How are we expected to make a living and pain the bills. So scary.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. Yes it really is a hard thing to live with – the constant deterioration really makes it difficult to adapt making it a constant roller coaster of emotions. It would definitely make it easier if more people understood – luckily my immediate family are really understanding as is my girlfriend. It really is a scary ride… Thank you for your message…

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      1. I completely understand what you’re going through – I’m glad your family and girlfriend are understanding, that makes all the difference in the world. Mine are the same way. I’ve had the complete opposite experience at work though! Hang in there.

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  14. Reading your story touched my heart so much. I was reminded of my 10 years in the wheel chair. I too isolated myself completely. Eventually I only left the house to go to the doctor, having even my groceries delivered. I had open wounds on both feet that refused to heal for six years. While I still experience an incredible amount of pain on a daily basis I am walking, occasionally even dancing these days.

    During my time in the wheel chair, I was driven inward … also wondering if there even was a god and how any god could allow such pain. When I first entered the wheel chair I was in my early thirties. I had been a very active person before this. I loved sports and I worked full time at Intel. It was a huge change and my life became unrecognizable. I had been told by doctors not to expect any improvement and that in all likelihood I would never get any better. Just goes to show they don’t know everything! I also hold great hope for a break through in research soon!! I believe the more awareness there is around this illness the more likely they will find a way to treat it.

    I truly appreciate you for being brave and willing to share part of your experience with us! While I cannot begin to predict what your future might hold physically or otherwise, I do know for me self love changed everything and continues to bring a gentler experience. I wish for you a gentler experience as well!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for that and it really does fill me with a bit of hope reading that you were in a wheelchair for ten years and are now walking – I just need to find the right treatment that will help as it appears every physio exercise I try causes a big increase in pain even though I do so little… I too am in my early thirties and never expected my life to turn out this way and like yours it has become unrecognisable – I just need to keep persisting and trying different things in the hope something will eventually help – love for myself definitely needs a lot of work but I’ll get there… Thank you for your message it really has brought a bit more hope my way…

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  15. I just read your story and my heart aches for your situation. There are so many variations to chronic pain experiences but all of them are hard. I am glad you have found the solace of writing – my blog is a wonderful release valve for me – and I hope it continues to help you find peace in the midst of pain.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for that. Yes writing has been a great help to me I just need to do more of it – maybe that will take my mind off the pain a bit more – I’m glad it’s been a good release valve for you and I hope it continues that way… Thanks again…

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  16. I am sending light, strength and gentle love your way. I wish there was a map I could give you, to tell you where to go to find a cure, or some prescription that would make it all better within three days… but for now, light, strength and love. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  17. I feel like I’ve met the male version of my scenario – and you wrote how I feel about it all too…hang in there brother, thanks for your words or I would never have known I’m not the only one who is unable to accept that this is my life now, that hope is just a word for people who don’t want to accept the truth and there is no light – but there is a dark tunnel – we just learn to keep crawling out into a little light now and again. Enough to keep us breathing. I used to beg the Universe to let me be the one to have a fatal accident or a heart attack – just get me the fuck out of this hell. I don’t look too far ahead, with pain it’s a minute by minute thing and as long as I can get through that moment then I can face another….for now. Glad you wrote this, thanks man 🙂 And yeah, it’s really crap being stigmatised!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for that. It really is a minute by minute thing and I’m slowly learning not to think too far ahead but it’s hard – I guess we have to kind of brainwash ourselves to not think about the future when those thoughts creep in. This really is hell on fucking earth and that tunnel you mention is filled with so much shit it’s often suffocating – but we plough our way through to find those glimpses of light that appear from time to time – I just wish it would shine a little brighter and stay longer but that is something that needs working on. Thanks again for your message and here’s hoping you have low pain days ahead…

      Liked by 1 person

  18. I could not feel more sorry for your state of being if I tried! It sounds just awful! You are a very good writer. If this gives you any pleasure at all then keep at it because expressing yourself gives you an outlet. I hope you find some relief along life’s road.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. you haven’t mentioned and I didn’t see any mention of pain medications. It’s not all in your head. I mean, it sort of it, pain signals are received by the brain. I’m an exercise bulimic and I’ve had more orthopedic surgeries than most professional athletes (and I was one myself) but at 54, my back problems are more than I can bear by myself. I’m sorry, I can’t take my pain medicine sometimes because of the side effects, but seriously, if I didn’t have them I would have committed suicide and made damned sure that it worked. The medicines that have actually caused me harm are the so called ‘safe’ ‘non addictive’ psychiatric bipolar medicines like the atypical antipsychotics which caused a terrible case of Tardive Dyskinesia (resembles end-stage Parkinson’s and contributes to the back pain,) and now, another one, is causing me to progress towards Diabetes. If I stop taking it, my thrashing will explode (withdrawal emergent syndrome)and psychiatrically, I’ll go mad.

    I was told one time by my primary physician that there is too much stigma surrounding the safe, accountable use of pain medications and they are actually some of the safer drugs out there providing that one doesn’t start taking more than they should. Over five years, I’ve reduced my dose of opiates by 2/3 and want to reduce more. I just hope you are being taken care of and are not being shamed for wanting to reduce your pain.

    It’s a quality of life issue. I am more mobile on pain medication, without it I can’t sleep, and can’t get up. I do pilates and lumbar extension stretches every day and keep my weight low to keep the load as light as I can. I’m on an anti inflammatory diet…anti inflammatory medicine too. I’m doing the best I can and don’t know how much time I have left between the two conditions.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sorry, yes I’m currently on 40mg of Oxycodone and 600mg of Lyrica a day – I’ve recently come off my anti-depressents because they weren’t doing anything to help and that’s the same for the anti – inflammatory I was taking – it seemed point – less. There’s something wrong when the so called ‘safe’ drugs are causing more problems than the controlled pain medications doctors are reluctant to prescribe – well done for reducing yours by 2/3.

      Unfortunately no medication seems to help much with my quality of life. I’m becoming more crippled by the day and it seems to be deteriorating fast. The Oxy’s take the edge of a bit while I’m layed up but it doesn’t make me any more mobile – I’ve had to start using my wheelchair in my home now as my body just won’t budge when I’m standing… But, like you I’m doing the best I can and that is all we can do.

      Thank you for stopping by…

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  20. Hi Chris, I stumbled onto your blog today. Thank you for sharing your story, it has touched me indescribably. I know that there are no words that I can write that would not be trite in response to your story of anguish. But I wish you a happy new year and hope that the new year will bring better times. Sending you all the good thoughts I can muster. – Viv

    Liked by 1 person

  21. If I may say I found your bio to
    Be so humbling. It’s genuine and Raw
    I never want someone to
    Think I know how they feel… However, I had a rush of emotions reading it. It made me weepy because so many of your words have been my words. I’m so proud of you for writing. You’re inspiring. Doctors don’t know everything… And I’m married to One…. He himself always says keep looking for the answers until you find them! I’m glad I found your site. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Carisa, that means a great deal to me as it’s something I’m very passionate about. I’m absolutely awful at expressing myself verbally – I drive my girlfriend absolutely bonkers so I gave her the link to my blog – at least that way she gets all of me.

      Thanks again for your kind words and for stopping by…

      Liked by 1 person

  22. I would like very much to know more about you. I have chronic pain too. I have flareups sometimes that make me downright suicidal. I’ve been going through one for the longest time.
    Allison
    biszanta@hotmail.com
    maybe we could talk on the phone. I hate being all alone in this.

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