When the Fire burns out…

Sometimes there are no happy endings, if ever…! No matter how strong you think you are, how much fire is in your belly or how often it is stoked; somehow an over-powering sense of nothingness leaves you gasping for air. You can’t eat but wretch – struggle to breath and choke on the unrelenting pain that brought the times of old to an end, and the search for any zest becomes infinitely out of reach. The roads that once stretched for miles and miles, veering off into an array of directions, with endless possibilities, all bind into one as we fade off into the distance – pin-point and frail – on route to a painless fixed abode – greeted by a powerful shaft of light, with no love lost and plenty of wings unfurled – a feathered embrace – no more longing for the past or what could’ve been, but living a permanent dream-state – all warm and laid bare amongst the sensuous lavender plants…

It’s impossible not to let certain thoughts consume you. I think of how I used to moan daily about the most trivial of things; The dead-end job I was in, having no money and the pretence that filled my hometown. When I hear this and the like I turn all cold inside. It frustrates me because life is precious – a truly wonderful gift but we only get one shot at it and I’d give anything to even just pay my taxes again – something my own ignorance used to harp on about – maybe I was more like them than I realise. Ignorance might be bliss for yourself but I assure you it can have a big impact on other people’s lives – open your mind, not everything is so black and white and don’t be afraid to explore the unknown – your ego shouldn’t define you, don’t let it, it can be dented from time to time, you know…

And as the blood ices up setting perfectly around my bones – crushing them – expanding and not letting up; I think of that final stretch – the long road to freedom and the comfort it brings knowing I have full control over it. Don’t waste the one time you’ll ever set foot on this beautiful ball of gas. Live and breathe every step you take – do something new every day – test yourself and remember materials don’t provide you with love – people do and nature too – lend an ear, give your time and attention with no distractions – travel the world, have a family and fuck until your hearts content… And give give give…

Many thanks for reading – follow me on Twitter @aChronicPainPoW

8 comments

  1. I read an article about your illness the other day and I must say, how fucking frustrating and awful! Good advice for people to follow. Try to stay strong, even though I myself struggle with that on a daily basis.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you – yes it’s pretty brutal and this flare has been going on for weeks – I’m starting to think this is it now, grr. We definitely have to stay as strong as possible and you take care – we’ll ride the struggle together if only electronically…

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I am with you here mate, I used to hate rush hour, the tax deductions, moan about working a late or getting stuck on a task and missing first round at the bar – now I long to be able to drive on my own again, pay the taxes, work anytime let alone late, be able to concentrate on a task long enough to be late and most of all to get to the bar for any drink let alone the first round of alcoholic ones! Wishing you well

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It has been a privilege to read your words wisdom and truth in every dot word and sentence… Gems all of them 💎💎💎 I will try and embrace life to the full, l thank you for your inspiration and wish you some comfort from your pain. Take good care and thank you for your writing… 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Chris,

    Like the athlete you are, you breathe, you train with each word, you shout encouragement to your teammates when we falter! Thank you!

    Like

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