Just an Update…

Well the nights are drawing in and the air is icing up – it makes the muscles in my legs feel all sharp like there’s thousands of pins stabbing them all over – I’m truly dreading winter this time round – the change and deterioration that’s happened over the last year has been huge and the colder weather is felt so much more due to the lack of blood flow I have in my legs. It’s been a tough few days here and I’ve found myself to have lost the plot again – it’s a familiar place I know will pass but this needs to stop! I hate myself when I lose control of my emotions – the lack of control I have over my physical well-being is causing me to lose control of my mind. I work so hard to get through each day and even harder at improving the quality my frame of mind is in, but it’s so easy to lose it all in just a single moment and wind up back where I started.

There are no expectations for my sympathetic nerve block that’s scheduled for the 2nd of November. If I get a little relief for a few weeks then great, but I’d be a fool to expect anymore than that. If it stops me from being in so much pain caused by the journey there and back then at least there’s something. Some might say that’s a negative approach to take but it’s the safest – one thing I’ve learnt is not to build your hopes up too much ready for one almighty fall when things don’t go as you tried to believe. 

I’ve had very little inspiration lately but i’m determined to keep this blog on the go. I’m unsure of what to do with it though; keep it as it is? Post chronic pain articles and research I come across so I post more? Make it less personal and more of an info site? It’s hard because I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want lots of traffic – after all we need as much awareness for CRPS as possible, and who doesn’t want thousands of people reading their work and stopping by a website they’ve created. I certainly do. The more people who see it means more chance of making a name for yourself as a writer – it must feel good – maybe I’ll write about it someday.

5 comments

  1. I find it hard to strike a balance between retaining a positive HOPE without allowing it to become purely an unattainable DREAM! My Hope is always that there will be an overcoming of ones illness and “maybe a miracle will occur”, whilst keeping ones feet firmly planted in the reality of the condition.

    I do really think that your blog is both an important personal outlet and a useful source of CRPS awareness; I love both its honesty and the lucidity with which you express & explain your situation – warts and all

    HOPE is most important when the situation seems most Hopeless!

    I hope that the good vibes / cyber hugs & prayers directed your way will be of some comfort.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It really is hard to find the right balance for sure but I’m slowly learning to keep my feet planted on this reality – I’ve allowed myself to get my hopes up far too often which hasn’t gone down too well with the depression.

      Thank you for your compliment on my blog – sometimes I just think I should be posting more regularly – I need to un-block myself and write more.

      Thanks for good vibes and prayers. Right back at you…

      Like

  2. THOSE DARK PLACES AND DARK DAYS: THEY ARE THE ONES YOU WRITE ABOUT. IT IS THOSE DAYS THAT WILL MAKE YOU RELATABLE TO THE HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS, WHO ARE OR HAVE BEEN IN THE SAME DARK PLACES. I’M NOT SURE IF YOU CAN, BUT RUB YOUR LEGS FROM THE ANKLES UP/OR MASSAGE. IT HELPS ME THRU THE COLD, WHICH IS ALREADY DRIVING ME NUTS. KEEP YOUR CHIN UP AND YOUR LEGS WARM.

    Liked by 1 person

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