Blowing Hot and Cold…

You lay still because your muscles burn and they need to rest – rest rest rest is all you do yet they feel the need to constantly scream and cry out for help – I try to listen, try to obey, try to give them the help they need but my insides are ice cold, I’m freezing yet the sweat drips profusely leaving the sheets and myself sodding wet. I move, wipe myself dry and place the towel over the bed sheets, it’s all my energy allows, but it helps – until I fall asleep for half an hour or so then, again, I wake up in a puddle of my own sweat – my stomach cramps up, I lay ice cold in the foetal position knowing I have to move, knowing i have to disobey my body, I’m shivering, I’m not comfortable and I can’t lay amongst the dampness any longer.

I move to the lounge and I sit, I stare aimlessly into nothing and wonder when will this end. When will my body give me a break, when will it obey my orders and do what I ask. When will the sweat stop seeping through every pore of my body and give me a dry sleep??? I don’t ask for much, I know my body needs rest, but I don’t know how to avoid this symptom – the worst one of all, when your insides are like ice and you can’t but help to shiver, while the exterior has its flames on full blast and the sweat flows out of you…

It’s a lose lose situation – you can’t give your body the sleep and rest it needs so you sit, slouched back all crooked because it’s the only position your body will allow – antagonising your muscles further because they’re so out of alignment.

This is what it’s been like for the last few days but thankfully it’s eased off now – it really is the worst of the worst when it comes to all the symptoms CRPS brings and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone – except for maybe my dickhead of a neighbour…

15 comments

  1. I wish I knew what to say,I wish this was not happening to you.I’m just hoping for a treatment that will cure everything.Please keep sharing how you feel,even if you feel bad,maybe writing about it will decrease the pain a little.I’ll keep reading and hoping the best for you Chris.
    Aysu from Turkey

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for that – hopefully one day there will be a cure for this wretched illness – sooner rather than later would be good but I can live in hope… Writing definitely helps – i think I just need to do a bit more of it but I’m getting there slowly… Thanks again for your kind words, Aysu – it really means a great deal…

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha ha. I leant him the key to my garage when I first moved in over 2 years ago and he’s refusing to give it back. He’s blocked my number and knows I can’t make it up to his flat cause of my disability. I’m trying to sort it with my housing association but they are being most unhelpful – I’m currently in the process of a written complaint so hopefully it’ll get sorted soon. I should’ve known better not to have done him a favour by lending him it in the first place but you live and learn…

      Liked by 1 person

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