Ive known her since I was 5 and I’d class her more as family than anything else. But, as with many other relationships that have faded over the last few years this one is turning out to be no different – that’s twice we’ve arranged for you to come and visit, and twice I’ve not had so much as a text to let me know what’s going on… I’m beginning to find it easier and easier to cut people out of my life these days – It’s like it’s second nature to me now!!! I’m that absorbed by the pain all the time, I’m caring less and less about anything else and friends like these is one of them…
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aChronicPainLife... 
I can relate to this. I just cut out someone who I thought was my best friend for life. How many times can you be hurt by someone before you just give up?
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I thought the same too… It’s such a shame as well…
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I had a best friend who I knew since we were teens. I thought her and I were like sisters, and when my little boy got very sick and needed surgery, I did not get a phone call, a text, an email asking how he was doing….how I was doing. I have not spoken to her since. In times when you really need your friends to pull through, and they just don’t…..that’s another time when evaluations must take place, and people start getting cut off. It is sad, but it is reality, and I am sorry that this “cut off” has to be a choice that tends to be necessary at times. 😦
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Sorry to hear of your best friend, it’s well out of order for her not to get in touch to see how you both were when your little boy got sick… It is a shame we have to cut people off from time to time but like you say, very necessary…
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We will all survive and be graced with new and loyal faces in our lives. 😀
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For sure…
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Oh wow, this is such a common theme amongst chronic pain sufferers, I have lost countless friends and my friends that I have known for years say they will keep in touch but don’t.
Cutting people off just stops us getting hurt, the pain makes us more sensitive and for us men it’s a strange feeling. I often cry because of pain, lost friendships or just at a sad film, I just need to grow breasts now lol.
Its sad that you have lost a friend like this, I also lost a very good friend who was more like a sister, but we have to let go and move on some don’t get hurt any more than we have to.
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Ha ha, ‘I just need to grow breasts now’ made me laugh… Yes it’s definitely a common theme amongst us chronic pain sufferers. It’s a shame really – especially when it’s the people you never expected it to be… But, like you say – sometimes it does stop us from getting hurt so is the best thing we can do…
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You would think it would be more difficult to let others go as we get older, but sadly (I know this all too well) it seems to become second nature.
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So sorry to hear how the plans for your friend coming by for a visit have fell through. What a disappointment and let down, and to not even have received a text from her explaining is completely out of order.
It’s hard to fight that urge to pull away when people let us down, and I imagine that urge is magnified 10-fold for someone in your situation, being housebound and feeling so isolated already.
In the natural ebb and flow of life, people and relationships come and go from all of our lives for various reasons, and it very well may be that it’s time for this friend to go. But it also may not be – if she’s is important to you, like family, then perhaps when your hurt, anger, and disappointment cools a bit, you could talk to her about how you feel, and things could be resolved to stop this type of thing from happening in the future. Only you know if it’s worth it or not to try.
Sending you love and light…
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It’s okay thanks Jewels. I’m pretty much done with getting let down by people’s visits and talking to people about how I feel… Will just wait and see what the future brings…
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It really boils down to basic compatibility doesn’t it? As with many life changes such as having kids, financial issues, not getting drunk every weekend/growing up, etc. the ability to keep old friends is severely tested.
Over the last 10 years I realize I have become incredibly boring to be around. That includes me too, can barely tolerate myself some days. Not being able to be the old you, being so distracted and absorbed by pain and discomfort, makes for a tedious companion.
In regard to friendships it hasn’t been too bad for me as I’ve never had a very big group of friends, spend most of my time with my family. However, lately an old friend has popped back up. Nice guy, but not only is he not married and has no kids, but the things that we used to do together are done for me such as rock climbing, hiking, rafting.
I feel shitty every time he calls and I don’t answer. I guess I’m being the lousy friend, but it feels like the only realistic thing to do.
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I completely get what you’re saying. I too, feel like I’m incredibly boring to be around. Having a mind totally consumed by pain makes for a tough conversation and I’ve become so used to avoiding these situations – that being said, being house-bound helps as I don’t have to see many people… You’re not being a shitty friend. I’ve done the same. It seems as though it’s the safest thing to do – I think being around people of old reminds you more of the old you, and sometimes that’s hard to take so the easy thing to do is to avoid it completely. I’m barely in touch with anyone I knew when I had a healthy body. I know a lot of that’s down to me but there are a select few I think could have done more. It hurts, but that’s okay – I guess they’ve got their own thing going on…
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