Parasite…

Pain

Chronic pain kills… It destroys lives and eats you up inside, like a parasite feeding from your sanity. It never leaves and it doesn’t listen – It has a mind of its own and chooses when to divulge… I struggle to breathe at its reluctance to say goodbye and for the vision that is, my future – one of control and isolation, totally lost yet confined to my own home… I rarely converse, distracted by a pain fog that allows a constant flow of negativity to seep through my veins… Pain, pain, pain, always pain – twentyfour/seven/threesixfive – no relief and a continued lack of belief in what was once described as ‘normal’… I’m tired of lying and of all the failed attempts at healing old wounds; of being a burden and a sorry mess when the light is out of reach. For darkness has become my home and it’s here I can not escape. It’s here I’m forced to only ponder, and fight with toxic demons until eternity ends. It’s here I will rot…

17 comments

  1. “I struggle to breathe at its reluctance to say goodbye and for the vision that is, my future – one of control and isolation, totally lost yet confined to my own home”

    Perfectly captured

    Liked by 2 people

  2. You will not rot if you can still laugh… find something to laugh about, dude. Do you have a funny story from your childhood that you can tell us?

    I got hit with a YoYo (kid’s toy) in the forehead one time — well, it wasn’t funny at the time, but it’s kinda funny now. But now that I think of it, maybe it was that head injury that caused my chronic pain condition…

    Yes, I’d love to blame almost 30 years of constant pain on a YoYo. That’s just so… ironic. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You mean the time when I was on holiday and jumped out of a second story building naked when I was 12 thinking my brother and Dad had been murdered after awaking from a dream. Ha ha I was running around the complex hiding from everyone thinking they were after me, I ran down to the busy street for ‘safety’ with a rock covering my bits ha ha, I truly thought my dream was real even for a good while after I woke up – pretty fucked up but I do laugh about that incident now…. I also wonder if that’s the reason I’m here – I couldn’t walk properly for days afterwards and got regular backache from that day on that I just ignored and left untreated for years – I believe had I sorted that out the hip injury would have never happened years later… Thanks for your message – I really do need to let go of what was and start to laugh again…

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Being disabled and living off of government and family support, I often feel like a parasite, but then I contribute my voice to the world. It has become somewhat of therapy for me. I’m happy you are contributing yours. Chronic pain sufferers need voices like yours.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s one way to look at it and yeah I feel like that sometimes – I’d give anything (within reason) to start paying my taxes again that’s for sure but it doesn’t look likely to happen anytime soon, if ever… Writing is definitely a great outlet to help me along the way with all this… Thanks a lot for your message, Josh…

      Liked by 2 people

  4. If winter comes can spring be far behind? Everyone goes through a phase where we feel pain can never be overcome, I believe wounds can be healed ,yet the scars remain . We have to live with it as token of endurance , to showcase our strength. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Sometimes our pain becomes so familiar that there’s an odd comfort in it; we know exactly what to expect. Strangely, the notion of moving forward in spite of the pain may be threatening. I hope good for you in spite of the struggles.

    Liked by 1 person

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